my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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