What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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