Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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