you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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