6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
