after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize