i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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