If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
