I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
