im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
