hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
