I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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