Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
