Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
