i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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