So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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