Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i love accidental penises.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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