He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i out mim tonsoeep
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
