The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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