Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
