he thought i was a dude.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
