Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
