wat bout pragnant strippers??
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
