Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize