I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
