My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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