I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
