I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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