We're facebook friends in real life
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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