Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
