I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
