Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize