I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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