I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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