why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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