if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
