If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
