And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
