Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize