I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
