Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
