When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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