Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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