i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
