new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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