I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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