My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
