I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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