I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize