I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
