I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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