i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize