You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
