Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize