his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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