I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
