i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
