the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
