Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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