so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
