ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry about my life...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
