I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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