Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize