when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
