Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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