Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
