I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
