I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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