Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
