I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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