if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
