he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize