You were right. It hurts to walk today.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
