Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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