Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
