it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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