Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
