I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
