Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
