In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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